Resurrection is possible and not in the Jesus way
Current mood: worried
Category: Friends
If you take the catholic doctrine out of the girl or guy, which is fucking hard to do, i realize, it is still the season to resurrect . Me, I'm treading water too, waiting for spring, waiting for the divorce to be done, waiting to grab life by the cojones and feel strong, warm, re-tooled, re-built, by my own design.
I can feel my garden in my bones. It is enough to know it is there, that it will grow beauty again,and in doing so, will grow me too.
I hear so many of my friends voices these days; strained, sad, numb...I am scared for them. Selfishly, I am scared for me too because I don't know if I can stand one more loss. I hate that I feel impotent to help.
I care, I care, I care...but that doesn't mean a thing if my caring doesn't matter to them.
I have become an expert, of sorts, at resurrection and can offer some real wisdom regarding how to recreate a life from shit and twigs.
So, here's my offer...My hand is out to all of you, if you choose to take it. No strings. Just friendship and a shoulder to rest on as you come back.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
friends, resurrection, and politics
Tonight I feel so impotent. A couple of the opeopoke I care deeply about are sinking into some terrible place. They are numb and sad and I want to help them. That works only if they want the help offered. I am so afraid they will do something stupid...Loving them isn't enough after everything is said and done. I can love them, I can hope for them, I can try to drag then into the crisis center, but when they say no, I am impotent.
It makes me crazy. I have lost so many friends to cancer this past year, some to suicide, some to drugs...Can I stand to lose any MORE ? Fuck no. Talking about meda, hope, resources...what the hell has it gained...nothing
I am frightened...and so very sad. I have re-constructed myself and life. I get it. PLEASE, chose hope. Choose help. Choose a shoulder, a hand a hard-won wisdom that I will share.
The only person I don't want to resurrect today is Carol" I don't know why the bridge fell down," Molnau...slink away you twit...Be accountable for your shit gal...just go away
It makes me crazy. I have lost so many friends to cancer this past year, some to suicide, some to drugs...Can I stand to lose any MORE ? Fuck no. Talking about meda, hope, resources...what the hell has it gained...nothing
I am frightened...and so very sad. I have re-constructed myself and life. I get it. PLEASE, chose hope. Choose help. Choose a shoulder, a hand a hard-won wisdom that I will share.
The only person I don't want to resurrect today is Carol" I don't know why the bridge fell down," Molnau...slink away you twit...Be accountable for your shit gal...just go away
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Day off, day off, finally a day off!!!!
I have worked a total of 36 days in a row without a day off. I am soooo tired. I have shifted my schedule to give the employees the better shifts so that they can survive the bridge economic free-fall that is JStreet and down to DTGrumpys...All of us down, down down in $$$.
But today, a mini miracle...I got a day off. A REAL day off. Then, Kate came in and asked if she could come back to work Friday a.m.. So, I get Wednesdays off to do all of the supply errands and still get a real day offon Fridays. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Fricking halleluia....now, it's just Monday a.m., Tuesday a.m.. Thursday p.m. Sat. p.m., Sunday a.m....all over the map but at least a schedule!!!
Maybe I'll even get out in the world and meet new, intriguing people, talk to those people, laugh withthose people...SWEET JESUS, I might even have enough energy to play with those people.
Today, fueled by said day off, I painted my old bedroom. My best friend Jay painted the ceiling for me so that I didn't have to break my no more ladders pledge. What a hon! It is soft and serene and when I finish will be "French Femme," reflecting the woman I never dared to be, the one who will love her sensuality, who will be softer somehow, in a way I am just beginning to discover. I will make it a place for beauty, to honor beauty for saving me during the pain of my seperation and divorce. Odd tho it may seem, Seeingand appreciating beauty is what saved my soul and my heart from despair. Beauty is what gave me my entre into a new world that let me see myself as whole and worthy of so much more than I had. So, silly as it may seem, i'll make my statement for sensuality in color and art and naughty fun accessories that make me laugh out loud even when alone, i swear from now on, I'll dare to reach for more, for meaning, for a life fully lived and I will go to bed each night singing and chock friggin full of hope!
Here's to the softest color pink, with black and white punches, and maybe even frenchie polka dots for umph! ooh la la...
But today, a mini miracle...I got a day off. A REAL day off. Then, Kate came in and asked if she could come back to work Friday a.m.. So, I get Wednesdays off to do all of the supply errands and still get a real day offon Fridays. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Fricking halleluia....now, it's just Monday a.m., Tuesday a.m.. Thursday p.m. Sat. p.m., Sunday a.m....all over the map but at least a schedule!!!
Maybe I'll even get out in the world and meet new, intriguing people, talk to those people, laugh withthose people...SWEET JESUS, I might even have enough energy to play with those people.
Today, fueled by said day off, I painted my old bedroom. My best friend Jay painted the ceiling for me so that I didn't have to break my no more ladders pledge. What a hon! It is soft and serene and when I finish will be "French Femme," reflecting the woman I never dared to be, the one who will love her sensuality, who will be softer somehow, in a way I am just beginning to discover. I will make it a place for beauty, to honor beauty for saving me during the pain of my seperation and divorce. Odd tho it may seem, Seeingand appreciating beauty is what saved my soul and my heart from despair. Beauty is what gave me my entre into a new world that let me see myself as whole and worthy of so much more than I had. So, silly as it may seem, i'll make my statement for sensuality in color and art and naughty fun accessories that make me laugh out loud even when alone, i swear from now on, I'll dare to reach for more, for meaning, for a life fully lived and I will go to bed each night singing and chock friggin full of hope!
Here's to the softest color pink, with black and white punches, and maybe even frenchie polka dots for umph! ooh la la...
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tackling my house...one task at a time
It's not spring yet, but I feel it blooming in my bones, so it is time to get out the paint roller, the tape and tarps and tackle what was my marriage bedroom which I moved out of so that I can re-claim it for the new, single me..
I bought a beautiful crisp pale color to clean out all of the old dingy memories. I am having one of the employees' husband build me a brand new bed out of dark stained cherry. it is my own federalist design,\; strong, architectural, high off the ground...my sleep throne, my sometime in the future playground , my refuge...
It will be a new bed for new memories. Whether they are of reading a good book with cookies and milk, of satin jammies and a good red wine with Edith Piaf blasting , or of rolling over and gently touching someone, no matter. It will be like me...a new, clean, fresh start.
In the spring and on into summer, I will fill it with fresh flowers from my garden and great books. I will fill it with color and light and learn once again to love the way the light plays off the walls and furniture. Even as a kid I always dreamt that I would have a bed of substance instead of just a cheap frame on casters...finally. It will feel solid and substantialand I I will pass it down in the family...the girls can choose who gets the ring, who gets the bed.
So, this year spring cleaning means a lot more than normal. it seems to be a metaphor for my new life and my sense of peace. Building a new nest is probably a good place to begin a new life...Which room nex, I wonder...
I bought a beautiful crisp pale color to clean out all of the old dingy memories. I am having one of the employees' husband build me a brand new bed out of dark stained cherry. it is my own federalist design,\; strong, architectural, high off the ground...my sleep throne, my sometime in the future playground , my refuge...
It will be a new bed for new memories. Whether they are of reading a good book with cookies and milk, of satin jammies and a good red wine with Edith Piaf blasting , or of rolling over and gently touching someone, no matter. It will be like me...a new, clean, fresh start.
In the spring and on into summer, I will fill it with fresh flowers from my garden and great books. I will fill it with color and light and learn once again to love the way the light plays off the walls and furniture. Even as a kid I always dreamt that I would have a bed of substance instead of just a cheap frame on casters...finally. It will feel solid and substantialand I I will pass it down in the family...the girls can choose who gets the ring, who gets the bed.
So, this year spring cleaning means a lot more than normal. it seems to be a metaphor for my new life and my sense of peace. Building a new nest is probably a good place to begin a new life...Which room nex, I wonder...
Monday, February 25, 2008
The learning curve
I spent tonight with my mom, watching Obermann and talking politics...watched Hillary go after Obama, yet again, even after that concilliatory end of debate bullshit of'' lets be friendsi admire him so'....It was infuriating and disgusting...a pox on you Hillary for your brazenly desperate, last ditch effort, political machinations!!!
Couple that with Nader the " Darth Vader of American Politics" announcing his messianic return to the presidential race and I want to scream. I pray that the lemmings who followed the Nader democratic process off the cliff the last time look to the broader pictute this time...Vote your "heart" and look what happens...the consequences are dire. . The Nader of old is now just an arrogant narcisist whose republican monetary supporters have made into a laughingstock...
I am now more determined than ever to use my big mouth, every single day till the elections, to push for a visionary political landscape. I will make lattes and push change. I will say "yes we can" I will organize shop regulars to protest the republican convention. I will organize car pools to get them there. I will organize bail-out groups to get them out of jail if need be. I will work to get the vote out. I will even use the Mpls Drunken Spelling Bee on the 28th of March at the 331, to spell out political ideology, one word at a time, to make even drunken spellers think..it pays to be the judge and word maven. hehehe.
All of this bullshit has made me realize that my loneliness and longing for a relationship pales in comparison to the bigger life picture. Yep, I'd love to have a special someone to sit and plot and plan and rabble-rouse with, but compared to the bigger picture of injustice, misery, poverty, healthcare, and the eroding of the constitution along with so much else that I see in the country that I love, ...well, comparitively, my own little lonely life...-it aint nothin'... BIGGER PICTURE. BIGGER PICTURE. BIGGER PICTURE...
Couple that with Nader the " Darth Vader of American Politics" announcing his messianic return to the presidential race and I want to scream. I pray that the lemmings who followed the Nader democratic process off the cliff the last time look to the broader pictute this time...Vote your "heart" and look what happens...the consequences are dire. . The Nader of old is now just an arrogant narcisist whose republican monetary supporters have made into a laughingstock...
I am now more determined than ever to use my big mouth, every single day till the elections, to push for a visionary political landscape. I will make lattes and push change. I will say "yes we can" I will organize shop regulars to protest the republican convention. I will organize car pools to get them there. I will organize bail-out groups to get them out of jail if need be. I will work to get the vote out. I will even use the Mpls Drunken Spelling Bee on the 28th of March at the 331, to spell out political ideology, one word at a time, to make even drunken spellers think..it pays to be the judge and word maven. hehehe.
All of this bullshit has made me realize that my loneliness and longing for a relationship pales in comparison to the bigger life picture. Yep, I'd love to have a special someone to sit and plot and plan and rabble-rouse with, but compared to the bigger picture of injustice, misery, poverty, healthcare, and the eroding of the constitution along with so much else that I see in the country that I love, ...well, comparitively, my own little lonely life...-it aint nothin'... BIGGER PICTURE. BIGGER PICTURE. BIGGER PICTURE...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Time out! Why all of a sudden do i want a relationship so much...am i lonely or just horny? hmmm
Decided today to take an afternoon to just sit quietly and think about goals...I remember after i asked my ex to leave, wondering if I would be okay alone. I was frightened, excited, full of energy and dead tired all at once. Then I looked around me at the supprts i had in my life...first of all it was ME as my best support, as i evolved into a woman who said i deserve better; no more shit from you or anyone...kinda sweet after all these years. Then I had my family who I worried would not understand why I needed to have him leave. They did and do and we have grown closer by the week. Sweet again. My fucking awesome Daughters, who never judged, just had my back and were here for me(they don't want details tho they know too much already) Sweet again. Las,t but certainly not least, have been my friends. Smart-asses, supportive, kind, naughty, fucking hilarious and ribald...
So now, instead of forgetting how to be alone and happy, as a woman, instead of worrying if I will ever feel touch, a kiss, someone next to me in my bed again, I will stop and sit in the sun and count the good stuff that surrounds me. Patience has never been my stong suit, but I will learn to embrace it. To look forward I promise that:
I will once a month judge the Mple Drunken Spelling Bee and laugh my ass off. I will not dumb down the words no matter what. I will work on not drinking more than one drink during the Bee, cuz pronouncing6 syllable latin-based words is hard enough sober.
I will spend time with my friends, talking, laughing, listening, plotting, working on eachothers houses, telling stories and bad jokes.
I will plan the re-do of my massive boulevard and hillside gardens...they will be f'n incredible this year. I swear!!! okay i swear all the time, but i swear anyway.
I will take my art class and my bellydancing class and learn something new visually and physically every day, even if i have two left feet and a injured left eye.
I will look out at my customers/friends everyday at my business and be grateful for all of them, even the obviously insane ones.
I will be funny. I will be political. I will get arrested at the Repulican Convention. I will support Obama and Franken anyway I can.
I will find my life to be enough. I fI am lucky enough to find someone to share it with, well, I'll be thankful when and if it happens
So now, instead of forgetting how to be alone and happy, as a woman, instead of worrying if I will ever feel touch, a kiss, someone next to me in my bed again, I will stop and sit in the sun and count the good stuff that surrounds me. Patience has never been my stong suit, but I will learn to embrace it. To look forward I promise that:
I will once a month judge the Mple Drunken Spelling Bee and laugh my ass off. I will not dumb down the words no matter what. I will work on not drinking more than one drink during the Bee, cuz pronouncing6 syllable latin-based words is hard enough sober.
I will spend time with my friends, talking, laughing, listening, plotting, working on eachothers houses, telling stories and bad jokes.
I will plan the re-do of my massive boulevard and hillside gardens...they will be f'n incredible this year. I swear!!! okay i swear all the time, but i swear anyway.
I will take my art class and my bellydancing class and learn something new visually and physically every day, even if i have two left feet and a injured left eye.
I will look out at my customers/friends everyday at my business and be grateful for all of them, even the obviously insane ones.
I will be funny. I will be political. I will get arrested at the Repulican Convention. I will support Obama and Franken anyway I can.
I will find my life to be enough. I fI am lucky enough to find someone to share it with, well, I'll be thankful when and if it happens
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Vampire lawyer ...what the hell?
So, at the peacock lounge last night Nicole, her mom and I were enjoying dinner and wine when one of my customers who i find sweet and humorous and who I know has a crush on ex-employee Kate, came stumbling over after about 4 too many vodka red bulls. We started to catch up and I bought him coffee...Nicole and Paxie found him sweet and funny too so it was fine.
After a few minutes this friend of his, Mike, comes over and sits down next to Tony and I and starts to talk about his ass... I figure he's drunk, and laugh and say i've seen many better. "whose is better, Tony's or Mine?"...I say you don't compare apples to oranges and the next thing I know he has my hand on his ass and laughs when i yank it away. I tell him to grow up, sober up or go home, and he stops, apologizes and buys us a round. He proceeds to sit down and talk sanely for the next few minutes about his divorce, about moving back to minnesota, about trying to find friends and a relationship. So, I think, maybe he's just had a few too many and is ok. Then, he asks if I'd sleep with him. He asks if my daughter would sleep with him... I start to stand up and he grabs my arm , leans in to my ear and asks if I have ever cut someone or myself during sex and drank their blood. (!!!!!!) I told him he really needed help figuring out how to charm the ladies. Told him to read Betty Friedan, that thats the closest he'd come to thatinn normal literature... He didn't know who she was...Surprise! In this era of HIV and AIDS , amazing and scarey...Told the ladies we needed to leave, dragged my ass out of the chair, paid the bill and we went to Lil' grumps where Nick was his usual crazy self, bagpipers were playing, the roller girls were flirting, and told the ladies why we needed to leave so suddenly...Paxie looked shocked, belted down a beer and said "they don't ask questions like that in Brainerd"... and we laughed at just how fuckin wierd the world can be...
Here's MY big question...Why on fuckin god's earth would anyone ask that of someone you don't know? Shock value? Sure...
Depravity? Sure. I gotta wonder tho, what the hell do I bring out in people . Yikes and double yikes
Where are the normal wicked guys? I'm not interested in saints, just sane and slightly naughty...
After a few minutes this friend of his, Mike, comes over and sits down next to Tony and I and starts to talk about his ass... I figure he's drunk, and laugh and say i've seen many better. "whose is better, Tony's or Mine?"...I say you don't compare apples to oranges and the next thing I know he has my hand on his ass and laughs when i yank it away. I tell him to grow up, sober up or go home, and he stops, apologizes and buys us a round. He proceeds to sit down and talk sanely for the next few minutes about his divorce, about moving back to minnesota, about trying to find friends and a relationship. So, I think, maybe he's just had a few too many and is ok. Then, he asks if I'd sleep with him. He asks if my daughter would sleep with him... I start to stand up and he grabs my arm , leans in to my ear and asks if I have ever cut someone or myself during sex and drank their blood. (!!!!!!) I told him he really needed help figuring out how to charm the ladies. Told him to read Betty Friedan, that thats the closest he'd come to thatinn normal literature... He didn't know who she was...Surprise! In this era of HIV and AIDS , amazing and scarey...Told the ladies we needed to leave, dragged my ass out of the chair, paid the bill and we went to Lil' grumps where Nick was his usual crazy self, bagpipers were playing, the roller girls were flirting, and told the ladies why we needed to leave so suddenly...Paxie looked shocked, belted down a beer and said "they don't ask questions like that in Brainerd"... and we laughed at just how fuckin wierd the world can be...
Here's MY big question...Why on fuckin god's earth would anyone ask that of someone you don't know? Shock value? Sure...
Depravity? Sure. I gotta wonder tho, what the hell do I bring out in people . Yikes and double yikes
Where are the normal wicked guys? I'm not interested in saints, just sane and slightly naughty...
Friday, February 22, 2008
dragons and marshmallows, read on, i do answer the ?
After dinner out and a stop at grumpy's Ne...Two glasses of wine, four young gentlemen asking me to touch their asses to see which was better, me feeling VERY uncomfortable, amused, confused and Mrs. Robinsonesque...I came home to an empty house, exsept for my Rasta Dog Tobie, who only wants ball tossing and attention... and I wondered what do I want? I don't want some vapid lawyer who asks me if I've ever drank someone's blood during sex and is his ass sexy, shows me e-mails from some brainless 25 yr. old...Next, I don't want some computer geek to sit at mt table, who thinks his ass is gonna get him something, laid? I don't want one-legged Dutch to jump on my lap and tell me he's got a chubby...Yikes...I think I'm an idiot magnet sometimes...Just cuz I'm divorced doesn't mean i'm an idiot...I hope...Tho I feel lonely for touch. It's like some monastic exercise to hold back and not be Mrs. Robinson, tho it would be easy...And, i do have that grey streak...
I'm holding out tho...I want smarts, humor, debate, great stories, something that has meaning. Here's the cunundrum. It's the younger than me guys I am attracted to. They are funny, smart, un-encumbered by so much baggage generally. I want to explore the new me who seems to have lost most inhibitions regarding conversational topicsand who knows, maybe sexuallity too...So where is the only guy who has piqued my interest since my divorce...Met him at Grumps, comes into my shop and i'd love to sit and talk to him again. I know he's younger, I don't care. I don't know why he caught my curiosity and interest but he did. Well, maybe I do know. He's smart and political and i think he's nice. So, here it is...Jay, Obama hat man, come visit me, we'll talk and I'll make you laugh. You can do the same for me...I remember your arm around my waist, how nice it felt. No pressure. No expectations. Hello if you are reading this. And, thx for making me feel alive.
As for me and my wants after a night out, they're simple really...I want laughter, discussion, sweet and passionate touch with some purpose. I think that means thst I am not a booty call kinda girl. I need to somehow relate to something other than a tight ass, a certain job. I want Intelligent discussion. I want to be (call me old-fashioned) wooed in some way. Talk Politics to me, then maybe talk dirty. Regale me with poetic quotes, then erotic naughty sweet things whispered in my ears. Kiss my humor, then my tattoo...it's lovely by the way...and it's in an erogenous zone...go figure.
To answet the question posed to me on this blog space.."I've slain the dragon, now how do I roast my marshmallows?"
Hmm..I build a fire out of twigs and moss...then I strike flint or i could just use my trusty bic and then i add kindling, layer on larger pieces of wood and then strip down sturdy but slender twigs and add on two marshmallows per twig and hold them over the sweet fire I 've made till bubbling golden brown and then pull them one by one off the twig to enjoy with someone...maybe just meif that's who's there. But, What doesn't taste better shared? Marshmallows, wine, a good stogie, a smoke...
I'm holding out tho...I want smarts, humor, debate, great stories, something that has meaning. Here's the cunundrum. It's the younger than me guys I am attracted to. They are funny, smart, un-encumbered by so much baggage generally. I want to explore the new me who seems to have lost most inhibitions regarding conversational topicsand who knows, maybe sexuallity too...So where is the only guy who has piqued my interest since my divorce...Met him at Grumps, comes into my shop and i'd love to sit and talk to him again. I know he's younger, I don't care. I don't know why he caught my curiosity and interest but he did. Well, maybe I do know. He's smart and political and i think he's nice. So, here it is...Jay, Obama hat man, come visit me, we'll talk and I'll make you laugh. You can do the same for me...I remember your arm around my waist, how nice it felt. No pressure. No expectations. Hello if you are reading this. And, thx for making me feel alive.
As for me and my wants after a night out, they're simple really...I want laughter, discussion, sweet and passionate touch with some purpose. I think that means thst I am not a booty call kinda girl. I need to somehow relate to something other than a tight ass, a certain job. I want Intelligent discussion. I want to be (call me old-fashioned) wooed in some way. Talk Politics to me, then maybe talk dirty. Regale me with poetic quotes, then erotic naughty sweet things whispered in my ears. Kiss my humor, then my tattoo...it's lovely by the way...and it's in an erogenous zone...go figure.
To answet the question posed to me on this blog space.."I've slain the dragon, now how do I roast my marshmallows?"
Hmm..I build a fire out of twigs and moss...then I strike flint or i could just use my trusty bic and then i add kindling, layer on larger pieces of wood and then strip down sturdy but slender twigs and add on two marshmallows per twig and hold them over the sweet fire I 've made till bubbling golden brown and then pull them one by one off the twig to enjoy with someone...maybe just meif that's who's there. But, What doesn't taste better shared? Marshmallows, wine, a good stogie, a smoke...
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Fake woman, fake husband, fake politics
playing nice at politics
So, it appears that after her plagarism slam at Barak tonight during the debate, and responding to the boos that ensued, Hillary decided to get all warm and fuzzy and say that the democrats all love eachother and will all get along...even shook Obamas hand. Awwwww. Bill and Hill both say that if she doesn't take Tx., Ohio and Pennsylvania she will play nice and work to unite party...Won't that be too little, too late?
Also sick of McCain and his self-righteous bull re lobbyists and American Values...His wife and her crap directed at Michele Obama, for not always being proud to be an American, made me sick...
Listen up Mrs. Fake boobs, fake face and fake fidelity McCain, I too, have been ashamed to be an American under the policies of the last three republicans who held office and pulled this counrty into a rich/poor, right/left, anti-constitution upholding bunch of sons a bitches..
Ashamed and frightened at our loss of humanity, democratic principles...Can you say principles with a striaght face? .The values of exclusion, of bigotry, of elitism, of hate, are NOT my American values. The Cheney Bush Rove Wolfowitcz view of America is Fascist crap.
Like Michele Obama ,I refuse to be proud of that. Wrap our flag around that, bitch!
So, it appears that after her plagarism slam at Barak tonight during the debate, and responding to the boos that ensued, Hillary decided to get all warm and fuzzy and say that the democrats all love eachother and will all get along...even shook Obamas hand. Awwwww. Bill and Hill both say that if she doesn't take Tx., Ohio and Pennsylvania she will play nice and work to unite party...Won't that be too little, too late?
Also sick of McCain and his self-righteous bull re lobbyists and American Values...His wife and her crap directed at Michele Obama, for not always being proud to be an American, made me sick...
Listen up Mrs. Fake boobs, fake face and fake fidelity McCain, I too, have been ashamed to be an American under the policies of the last three republicans who held office and pulled this counrty into a rich/poor, right/left, anti-constitution upholding bunch of sons a bitches..
Ashamed and frightened at our loss of humanity, democratic principles...Can you say principles with a striaght face? .The values of exclusion, of bigotry, of elitism, of hate, are NOT my American values. The Cheney Bush Rove Wolfowitcz view of America is Fascist crap.
Like Michele Obama ,I refuse to be proud of that. Wrap our flag around that, bitch!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Jesus Christ!!! Paper Trail...
20 Amazing Facts About
Voting in the USA
Did you know....
1. 80% of all votes in America are counted by only two companies: Diebold and ES&S.
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/042804Landes/042804landes.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diebold
2. There is no federal agency with regulatory authority or oversight of the U.S. voting machine industry.
http://www.commondreams.org/views02/0916-04.htm
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/042804Landes/042804landes.html
3. The vice-president of Diebold and the president of ES&S are brothers.
http://www.americanfreepress.net/html/private_company.html
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/042804Landes/042804landes.html
4. The chairman and CEO of Diebold is a major Bush campaign organizer and donor who wrote in 2003 that he was "committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year."
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/07/28/sunday/main632436.shtml
http://www.wishtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=1647886
5. Republican Senator Chuck Hagel used to be chairman of ES&S. He became Senator based on votes counted by ES&S machines.
http://www.motherjones.com/commentary/columns/2004/03/03_200.html
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/031004Fitrakis/031004fitrakis.html
6. Republican Senator Chuck Hagel, long-connected with the Bush family, was recently caught lying about his ownership of ES&S by the Senate Ethics Committee.
http://www.blackboxvoting.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=26
http://www.hillnews.com/news/012903/hagel.aspx
http://www.onlisareinsradar.com/archives/000896.php
7. Senator Chuck Hagel was on a short list of George W. Bush's vice-presidential candidates.
http://www.businessweek.com/2000/00_28/b3689130.htm
http://theindependent.com/stories/052700/new_hagel27.html
8. ES&S is the largest voting machine manufacturer in the U.S. and counts almost 60% of all U.S. votes.
http://www.essvote.com/HTML/about/about.html
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/042804Landes/042804landes.html
9. Diebold's new touch screen voting machines have no paper trail of any votes. In other words, there is no way to verify that the data coming out of the machine is the same as what was legitimately put in by voters.
http://www.commondreams.org/views04/0225-05.htm
http://www.itworld.com/Tech/2987/041020evotestates/pfindex.html
10. Diebold also makes ATMs, checkout scanners, and ticket machines, all of which log each transaction and can generate a paper trail.
http://www.commondreams.org/views04/0225-05.htm
http://www.diebold.com/solutions/default.htm
11. Diebold is based in Ohio .
http://www.diebold.com/aboutus/ataglance/default.htm
12. Diebold employed 5 convicted felons as consultants and developers to help write the central compiler computer code that counted 50% of the votes in 30 states.
http://www.wired.com/news/evote/0,2645,61640,00.html
http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2004/10/301469.shtml
13. Jeff Dean was Senior Vice-President of Global Election Systems when it was bought by Diebold. Even though he had been convicted of 23 counts of felony theft in the first degree, Jeff Dean was retained as a consultant by Diebold and was largely responsible for programming the optical scanning software now used in most of the United States .
http://www.scoop.co.nz/mason/stories/HL0312/S00191.htm
http://www.chuckherrin.com/HackthevoteFAQ.htm#how
http://www.blackboxvoting.org/bbv_chapter-8.pdf
14. Diebold consultant Jeff Dean was convicted of planting back doors in his software and using a "high degree of sophistication" to evade detection over a period of 2 years.
http://www.chuckherrin.com/HackthevoteFAQ.htm#how
http://www.blackboxvoting.org/bbv_chapter-8.pdf
15. None of the international election observers were allowed in the polls in Ohio .
http://www.globalexchange.org/update/press/2638.html
http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2004/10/26/loc_elexoh.html
16. California banned the use of Diebold machines because the security was so bad. Despite Diebold's claims that the audit logs could not be hacked, a chimpanzee was able to do it! (See the movie here: http://www.bbvdocs.org/videos/baxterVPR.mov.)
http://wired.com/news/evote/0,2645,63298,00.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4874190
17. 30% of all U.S. votes are carried out on unverifiable touch screen voting machines with no paper trail.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/07/28/sunday/main632436.shtml
18. All -- not some -- but all the voting machine errors detected and reported in Florida went in favor of Bush or Republican candidates.
http://www.wired.com/news/evote/0,2645,65757,00.html
http://www.yuricareport.com/ElectionAftermath04/ThreeResearchStudiesBushIsOut.htm
http://www.rise4news.net/extravotes.html
http://www.ilcaonline.org/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=950
http://www.scoop.co.nz/mason/stories/HL0411/S00227.htm
19. The governor of the state of Florida , Jeb Bush, is the President's brother.
http://www.tallahassee.com/mld/tallahassee/news/local/7628725.htm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A10544-2004Oct29.html
20. Serious voting anomalies in Florida -- again always favoring Bush -- have been mathematically demonstrated and experts are recommending further investigation.
http://www.yuricareport.com/ElectionAftermath04/ThreeResearchStudiesBushIsOut.htm
http://www.computerworld.com/governmenttopics/government/policy/story/0,10801,97614,00.html
http://www.americanfreepress.net/html/tens_of_thousands.html
http://www.commondreams.org/headlines04/1106-30.htm
http://www.consortiumnews.com/2004/110904.html
http://uscountvotes.org/
NOTE: Please copy the above list and distribute freely!
LET THE FACTS BE KNOWN! Thank you!
Please distribute the follow
Voting in the USA
Did you know....
1. 80% of all votes in America are counted by only two companies: Diebold and ES&S.
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/042804Landes/042804landes.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diebold
2. There is no federal agency with regulatory authority or oversight of the U.S. voting machine industry.
http://www.commondreams.org/views02/0916-04.htm
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/042804Landes/042804landes.html
3. The vice-president of Diebold and the president of ES&S are brothers.
http://www.americanfreepress.net/html/private_company.html
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/042804Landes/042804landes.html
4. The chairman and CEO of Diebold is a major Bush campaign organizer and donor who wrote in 2003 that he was "committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year."
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/07/28/sunday/main632436.shtml
http://www.wishtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=1647886
5. Republican Senator Chuck Hagel used to be chairman of ES&S. He became Senator based on votes counted by ES&S machines.
http://www.motherjones.com/commentary/columns/2004/03/03_200.html
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/031004Fitrakis/031004fitrakis.html
6. Republican Senator Chuck Hagel, long-connected with the Bush family, was recently caught lying about his ownership of ES&S by the Senate Ethics Committee.
http://www.blackboxvoting.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=26
http://www.hillnews.com/news/012903/hagel.aspx
http://www.onlisareinsradar.com/archives/000896.php
7. Senator Chuck Hagel was on a short list of George W. Bush's vice-presidential candidates.
http://www.businessweek.com/2000/00_28/b3689130.htm
http://theindependent.com/stories/052700/new_hagel27.html
8. ES&S is the largest voting machine manufacturer in the U.S. and counts almost 60% of all U.S. votes.
http://www.essvote.com/HTML/about/about.html
http://www.onlinejournal.com/evoting/042804Landes/042804landes.html
9. Diebold's new touch screen voting machines have no paper trail of any votes. In other words, there is no way to verify that the data coming out of the machine is the same as what was legitimately put in by voters.
http://www.commondreams.org/views04/0225-05.htm
http://www.itworld.com/Tech/2987/041020evotestates/pfindex.html
10. Diebold also makes ATMs, checkout scanners, and ticket machines, all of which log each transaction and can generate a paper trail.
http://www.commondreams.org/views04/0225-05.htm
http://www.diebold.com/solutions/default.htm
11. Diebold is based in Ohio .
http://www.diebold.com/aboutus/ataglance/default.htm
12. Diebold employed 5 convicted felons as consultants and developers to help write the central compiler computer code that counted 50% of the votes in 30 states.
http://www.wired.com/news/evote/0,2645,61640,00.html
http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2004/10/301469.shtml
13. Jeff Dean was Senior Vice-President of Global Election Systems when it was bought by Diebold. Even though he had been convicted of 23 counts of felony theft in the first degree, Jeff Dean was retained as a consultant by Diebold and was largely responsible for programming the optical scanning software now used in most of the United States .
http://www.scoop.co.nz/mason/stories/HL0312/S00191.htm
http://www.chuckherrin.com/HackthevoteFAQ.htm#how
http://www.blackboxvoting.org/bbv_chapter-8.pdf
14. Diebold consultant Jeff Dean was convicted of planting back doors in his software and using a "high degree of sophistication" to evade detection over a period of 2 years.
http://www.chuckherrin.com/HackthevoteFAQ.htm#how
http://www.blackboxvoting.org/bbv_chapter-8.pdf
15. None of the international election observers were allowed in the polls in Ohio .
http://www.globalexchange.org/update/press/2638.html
http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2004/10/26/loc_elexoh.html
16. California banned the use of Diebold machines because the security was so bad. Despite Diebold's claims that the audit logs could not be hacked, a chimpanzee was able to do it! (See the movie here: http://www.bbvdocs.org/videos/baxterVPR.mov.)
http://wired.com/news/evote/0,2645,63298,00.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4874190
17. 30% of all U.S. votes are carried out on unverifiable touch screen voting machines with no paper trail.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/07/28/sunday/main632436.shtml
18. All -- not some -- but all the voting machine errors detected and reported in Florida went in favor of Bush or Republican candidates.
http://www.wired.com/news/evote/0,2645,65757,00.html
http://www.yuricareport.com/ElectionAftermath04/ThreeResearchStudiesBushIsOut.htm
http://www.rise4news.net/extravotes.html
http://www.ilcaonline.org/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=950
http://www.scoop.co.nz/mason/stories/HL0411/S00227.htm
19. The governor of the state of Florida , Jeb Bush, is the President's brother.
http://www.tallahassee.com/mld/tallahassee/news/local/7628725.htm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A10544-2004Oct29.html
20. Serious voting anomalies in Florida -- again always favoring Bush -- have been mathematically demonstrated and experts are recommending further investigation.
http://www.yuricareport.com/ElectionAftermath04/ThreeResearchStudiesBushIsOut.htm
http://www.computerworld.com/governmenttopics/government/policy/story/0,10801,97614,00.html
http://www.americanfreepress.net/html/tens_of_thousands.html
http://www.commondreams.org/headlines04/1106-30.htm
http://www.consortiumnews.com/2004/110904.html
http://uscountvotes.org/
NOTE: Please copy the above list and distribute freely!
LET THE FACTS BE KNOWN! Thank you!
Please distribute the follow
What? Politics and wine...
Okay, I know the original intent of this blog was to track my evolution as a re-singled woman, capturing the awkward moments and humorous bullshit in this amazing trek...but, along with the bad dates and old-school gangly flirtations, I find myself drawn again and again to politics and hope, and the men who dare to see hope as important and vital to America.
Tonight at one of the legendary NE bars, I wondered why I'd even left my house..too frickin cold, tired...Then the funny parts of the evening started. Local legend and fringe loon Dutch decided to sit on my lap and make me sign his Beatles jacket. He asked if he could call me "Susan" cuz I looked so much like and reminded him so much of Sarrandon in Bull Durham...oh sweet jesus. After literally carrying him back to his chair, I almost left...Nicole convinced me to stay, so I did, had another glass of wine and watched the eclipse that Columbus once used to screw the native Jamaicans...it was beautiful and amazing and lo and behold before long I got to experience both political discussion and a sweet attraction to a sweet man .I talked politics with Nicole and Jay and Bob and then with drunk young Alex and imagined what it would be like to have an on-going conversation re politics, hope and life...all of the serious and critical things that have been a constant since my marriage eroded, and probably one of the many reasons that led to that marriages' demise...I wasn't" pragmatic, too bleeding heart liberal and foolish". ..That's a whole different story, not worth going into now..
Here's my dilemna...I'm attracted to the younger, bleeding heart liberals...Sorry Alex, not you...When I date guys 45-50 or older it seems their fire has died, their belief in hope has faded and I just can't go back there. I would rather die tomorrow than lose my belief in humanity, in our inherent sense of good...so, do I date younger guys who haven't given it all away, or do I date dead-hearted "mature" men who promise to take care of me...(now that's laughable), or do I say, what the hell, be a cougar for a while and follow that passion that makes getting up everyday worthwhile...The truth is I miss talk. I miss touch, I miss discussions over dinner and wine...and I REALLY miss laughing, not just polite social giggles, over life in all of its' crazy, wooooonderful splendor
It's the cougars life for me...whoohoo. P.S. GO Obama.
Tonight at one of the legendary NE bars, I wondered why I'd even left my house..too frickin cold, tired...Then the funny parts of the evening started. Local legend and fringe loon Dutch decided to sit on my lap and make me sign his Beatles jacket. He asked if he could call me "Susan" cuz I looked so much like and reminded him so much of Sarrandon in Bull Durham...oh sweet jesus. After literally carrying him back to his chair, I almost left...Nicole convinced me to stay, so I did, had another glass of wine and watched the eclipse that Columbus once used to screw the native Jamaicans...it was beautiful and amazing and lo and behold before long I got to experience both political discussion and a sweet attraction to a sweet man .I talked politics with Nicole and Jay and Bob and then with drunk young Alex and imagined what it would be like to have an on-going conversation re politics, hope and life...all of the serious and critical things that have been a constant since my marriage eroded, and probably one of the many reasons that led to that marriages' demise...I wasn't" pragmatic, too bleeding heart liberal and foolish". ..That's a whole different story, not worth going into now..
Here's my dilemna...I'm attracted to the younger, bleeding heart liberals...Sorry Alex, not you...When I date guys 45-50 or older it seems their fire has died, their belief in hope has faded and I just can't go back there. I would rather die tomorrow than lose my belief in humanity, in our inherent sense of good...so, do I date younger guys who haven't given it all away, or do I date dead-hearted "mature" men who promise to take care of me...(now that's laughable), or do I say, what the hell, be a cougar for a while and follow that passion that makes getting up everyday worthwhile...The truth is I miss talk. I miss touch, I miss discussions over dinner and wine...and I REALLY miss laughing, not just polite social giggles, over life in all of its' crazy, wooooonderful splendor
It's the cougars life for me...whoohoo. P.S. GO Obama.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Not-so baby step
For three years the lovely ladies of Lily's Burlesque review have invited me to attend the International Burlesque Competition in OldVegas and for one reason or another i've not gone. This june, I'm going to go.
Why now? Because it's time to spend time with women who dare, women who love their selves enough to put themselves on a stage and move with humor, beauty, attitude and confidence. Who knows, i just may build enough confidence to sing with them again.
All of the legends of burlesque will be there, women from all over the world who honor the female form and it's beauty; cellulite, big legs, imperfect asses and all, put out on stage to celebrate all they have and to believe in it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no pollyanna. Lots of crazy, hurt, people will be there too. But, the Burlesque ladies I know have risen from the ashes of pain and ugly, to a place where they honor themselves with dance, song and sassy tease...(we are not talkin strippers here). They are all about the dance, singing the pants off of the audience.
So, I'm going to Vegas baby...short stories and poems will come home with me. I'll do my best to capture a side of women
definitely not common in current literature.
For three years the lovely ladies of Lily's Burlesque review have invited me to attend the International Burlesque Competition in OldVegas and for one reason or another i've not gone. This june, I'm going to go.
Why now? Because it's time to spend time with women who dare, women who love their selves enough to put themselves on a stage and move with humor, beauty, attitude and confidence. Who knows, i just may build enough confidence to sing with them again.
All of the legends of burlesque will be there, women from all over the world who honor the female form and it's beauty; cellulite, big legs, imperfect asses and all, put out on stage to celebrate all they have and to believe in it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no pollyanna. Lots of crazy, hurt, people will be there too. But, the Burlesque ladies I know have risen from the ashes of pain and ugly, to a place where they honor themselves with dance, song and sassy tease...(we are not talkin strippers here). They are all about the dance, singing the pants off of the audience.
So, I'm going to Vegas baby...short stories and poems will come home with me. I'll do my best to capture a side of women
definitely not common in current literature.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
It's my Tattoo and I mean every line in it...
Tatoo as Catharsis
I started the new and I believe final tattoo, knowing it meant something special...living by my rules from this point on, loving my re-entry into this world as a "solo artist", gratitude for the love I have known, for the gift of daughters, family and friends...
capturing that symbolically is impossible on a small scale so my entire lower back is the canvas of my metaphor...and it is beautiful and it is powerful and damn, i love it as a piece of art, seperate from my flesh...
After the tattoo, went to Jodi's birthday bash and danced to 80's music till my back felt raw. It was a blast...
Then I came home and dreamt that a garden grew out of my tattooed back, lenten- roses, cleomes, blood-red poppies; twiney vines wrapped my bed and arms and blooms grew from my hair and i smelled like peonies after the rain...I woke up convinced that I was a living part of my own mini-jungle. Wow, either the pain endorphins were late and out of control or that Chantix is kicking in...most vivd dream I have ever had.
Thank you dream gods, bring on more!!!
I started the new and I believe final tattoo, knowing it meant something special...living by my rules from this point on, loving my re-entry into this world as a "solo artist", gratitude for the love I have known, for the gift of daughters, family and friends...
capturing that symbolically is impossible on a small scale so my entire lower back is the canvas of my metaphor...and it is beautiful and it is powerful and damn, i love it as a piece of art, seperate from my flesh...
After the tattoo, went to Jodi's birthday bash and danced to 80's music till my back felt raw. It was a blast...
Then I came home and dreamt that a garden grew out of my tattooed back, lenten- roses, cleomes, blood-red poppies; twiney vines wrapped my bed and arms and blooms grew from my hair and i smelled like peonies after the rain...I woke up convinced that I was a living part of my own mini-jungle. Wow, either the pain endorphins were late and out of control or that Chantix is kicking in...most vivd dream I have ever had.
Thank you dream gods, bring on more!!!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
the politics of hope
politics of hope
Current mood: hopeful
Category: fiesty News and Politics
I am sitting in my living room watching the results come in from around the country and I am afraid to hope...it seems too many times over the past eight years I have wanted to believe in the intelligence of the average voter and have been mightily disappointed by the shameful one-dimensional response to the politics of fear and patriotism...Fuck all of that!
I will vote for any democrat that wins the endorsement, but I need to say this first;
I was a child that lived through the assassination of both Kennedys, of Martin Luther King, and STILL, I have, and I need, Hope...Once again, I need a vision for this country that goes beyond political iou's. I don't want just policy verbage, I want conviction, i want fight, i want change...i want to believe!!! I want to thank Barak Obama for letting that hope bloom in me again.
I am tired of congress and the senate caving to the fear of being portrayed as not patriotic if they stand against that buffoon bush and his cronies...tired of 9/11, 9/11, 9/11being used as a weapon against our citizens.
I am tired of the cost of the war, not just in economic terms, but in lives lost, in limbs lost, in future casualties, in our enlisted member's rate of foreclosures. I am sick of the administration's retracted benefits for those wounded in this horrid war.
I am sick to death of the most likely illegal and at the least, short-sighted selfishness and greed by the Halibutons, the HMO's the Big-bully industries who steal, pollute and lie...
Once again, I will find it in myself, to hope, to believe that this too shall pass...that the simple man/woman facing a future that leaves our children trillions of dollars in debt, without healthcare, with out basic human services, without funding for infrastructure...ALL of this and So much more will accrue critical mass and make it impossible to sit on our asses and say i can't make a difference.
Current mood: hopeful
Category: fiesty News and Politics
I am sitting in my living room watching the results come in from around the country and I am afraid to hope...it seems too many times over the past eight years I have wanted to believe in the intelligence of the average voter and have been mightily disappointed by the shameful one-dimensional response to the politics of fear and patriotism...Fuck all of that!
I will vote for any democrat that wins the endorsement, but I need to say this first;
I was a child that lived through the assassination of both Kennedys, of Martin Luther King, and STILL, I have, and I need, Hope...Once again, I need a vision for this country that goes beyond political iou's. I don't want just policy verbage, I want conviction, i want fight, i want change...i want to believe!!! I want to thank Barak Obama for letting that hope bloom in me again.
I am tired of congress and the senate caving to the fear of being portrayed as not patriotic if they stand against that buffoon bush and his cronies...tired of 9/11, 9/11, 9/11being used as a weapon against our citizens.
I am tired of the cost of the war, not just in economic terms, but in lives lost, in limbs lost, in future casualties, in our enlisted member's rate of foreclosures. I am sick of the administration's retracted benefits for those wounded in this horrid war.
I am sick to death of the most likely illegal and at the least, short-sighted selfishness and greed by the Halibutons, the HMO's the Big-bully industries who steal, pollute and lie...
Once again, I will find it in myself, to hope, to believe that this too shall pass...that the simple man/woman facing a future that leaves our children trillions of dollars in debt, without healthcare, with out basic human services, without funding for infrastructure...ALL of this and So much more will accrue critical mass and make it impossible to sit on our asses and say i can't make a difference.
Learning how to laugh
This past Saturday evening, I had the honor of being one of the judges at the first annual Mpls Drunken Spelling Bee, held at the 331 Bar. Now, mind you, in the weeks leading up to the Bee, I spent 30-40 hours doing research and selecting words for the event...Ultimately decided to use the historic lists complied since 1914-2006 from all of the National Spelling Bee Championships and then layered in hipster phrases, celebrity names, and naughty words...the hipster and naughty word categories were the hardest to compile for a few reasons; hipsters lexicon is decidedly lacking in beauty, complexity and or imagination for the most part...now i do admit to loving a few terms like "trustafarian" and "boregasm"...self-explanatory and humorous! It turns out that the most common naughty words mostly consist of 4-6 letters and are just too damned easy to spell. Hence i decided to tour through the many medical and psychatric lexicons for fetishes and perversions..Oh the things i learned and the things i already knew...There Were So Many!!!!! Beautiful complex words, too...
As a judge, many of the contestants (all of them male, i might add) tried to bribe me with booze and cash...just goes to show that they weren't too confident in their own abilities. Seems that spelling is a lost art...so so sad.
As the night progressed and the drunken spellers dropped, the words got tougher, sillier and naughtier. The audience and spellers did too. I was loving it, the contestants were having fun and I haven't laughed so hard in ages.
Then, my daughter Jessica, emcee extraordinaire and the driving force behind the event, threw a curve ball and invited all those spellers who were earlier eliminated to come back for a second chance, but only if they were willing to do it in their underwear...Much to my amazement, a whole crew stripped to their unmentionables and stood before the crowd...The nearly naked round taught me a few things; that spelling in your underwear, while drunk, is a pretty daunting task and that most guys wear boxers, ugly ones at that...and that the ladies bras weren't anything special either. I'm guessing that sexy would have been in evidence if they'd known they were going to strip down.
When it was all over and lovely Stephanie had been crowned Queen Bee, i sat at the bar with a couple of friends and for the first time since the divorce began, i just let the night flow, not looking around the room wondering if I'd ever be part of a couple again, but instead enjoying the light flirtations, accepting compliments and drinks, chatting. No expectations, no lonely, just enjoying the fact that i am now alone and able to laugh at the silly things I choose to do, without caring that somebody might think the Bee was undignified (sure as hell was but fucking funny!!!) I just decided it was good to love the art of conversation and to be happy in going home alone to my cozy home, my crazy dog,,,,
Today, i will spell the word C O N T E N T. and that is g o o d.
As a judge, many of the contestants (all of them male, i might add) tried to bribe me with booze and cash...just goes to show that they weren't too confident in their own abilities. Seems that spelling is a lost art...so so sad.
As the night progressed and the drunken spellers dropped, the words got tougher, sillier and naughtier. The audience and spellers did too. I was loving it, the contestants were having fun and I haven't laughed so hard in ages.
Then, my daughter Jessica, emcee extraordinaire and the driving force behind the event, threw a curve ball and invited all those spellers who were earlier eliminated to come back for a second chance, but only if they were willing to do it in their underwear...Much to my amazement, a whole crew stripped to their unmentionables and stood before the crowd...The nearly naked round taught me a few things; that spelling in your underwear, while drunk, is a pretty daunting task and that most guys wear boxers, ugly ones at that...and that the ladies bras weren't anything special either. I'm guessing that sexy would have been in evidence if they'd known they were going to strip down.
When it was all over and lovely Stephanie had been crowned Queen Bee, i sat at the bar with a couple of friends and for the first time since the divorce began, i just let the night flow, not looking around the room wondering if I'd ever be part of a couple again, but instead enjoying the light flirtations, accepting compliments and drinks, chatting. No expectations, no lonely, just enjoying the fact that i am now alone and able to laugh at the silly things I choose to do, without caring that somebody might think the Bee was undignified (sure as hell was but fucking funny!!!) I just decided it was good to love the art of conversation and to be happy in going home alone to my cozy home, my crazy dog,,,,
Today, i will spell the word C O N T E N T. and that is g o o d.
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