This past Saturday evening, I had the honor of being one of the judges at the first annual Mpls Drunken Spelling Bee, held at the 331 Bar. Now, mind you, in the weeks leading up to the Bee, I spent 30-40 hours doing research and selecting words for the event...Ultimately decided to use the historic lists complied since 1914-2006 from all of the National Spelling Bee Championships and then layered in hipster phrases, celebrity names, and naughty words...the hipster and naughty word categories were the hardest to compile for a few reasons; hipsters lexicon is decidedly lacking in beauty, complexity and or imagination for the most part...now i do admit to loving a few terms like "trustafarian" and "boregasm"...self-explanatory and humorous! It turns out that the most common naughty words mostly consist of 4-6 letters and are just too damned easy to spell. Hence i decided to tour through the many medical and psychatric lexicons for fetishes and perversions..Oh the things i learned and the things i already knew...There Were So Many!!!!! Beautiful complex words, too...
As a judge, many of the contestants (all of them male, i might add) tried to bribe me with booze and cash...just goes to show that they weren't too confident in their own abilities. Seems that spelling is a lost art...so so sad.
As the night progressed and the drunken spellers dropped, the words got tougher, sillier and naughtier. The audience and spellers did too. I was loving it, the contestants were having fun and I haven't laughed so hard in ages.
Then, my daughter Jessica, emcee extraordinaire and the driving force behind the event, threw a curve ball and invited all those spellers who were earlier eliminated to come back for a second chance, but only if they were willing to do it in their underwear...Much to my amazement, a whole crew stripped to their unmentionables and stood before the crowd...The nearly naked round taught me a few things; that spelling in your underwear, while drunk, is a pretty daunting task and that most guys wear boxers, ugly ones at that...and that the ladies bras weren't anything special either. I'm guessing that sexy would have been in evidence if they'd known they were going to strip down.
When it was all over and lovely Stephanie had been crowned Queen Bee, i sat at the bar with a couple of friends and for the first time since the divorce began, i just let the night flow, not looking around the room wondering if I'd ever be part of a couple again, but instead enjoying the light flirtations, accepting compliments and drinks, chatting. No expectations, no lonely, just enjoying the fact that i am now alone and able to laugh at the silly things I choose to do, without caring that somebody might think the Bee was undignified (sure as hell was but fucking funny!!!) I just decided it was good to love the art of conversation and to be happy in going home alone to my cozy home, my crazy dog,,,,
Today, i will spell the word C O N T E N T. and that is g o o d.
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