Time out! Why all of a sudden do i want a relationship so much...am i lonely or just horny? hmmm

Decided today to take an afternoon to just sit quietly and think about goals...I remember after i asked my ex to leave, wondering if I would be okay alone. I was frightened, excited, full of energy and dead tired all at once. Then I looked around me at the supprts i had in my life...first of all it was ME as my best support, as i evolved into a woman who said i deserve better; no more shit from you or anyone...kinda sweet after all these years. Then I had my family who I worried would not understand why I needed to have him leave. They did and do and we have grown closer by the week. Sweet again. My fucking awesome Daughters, who never judged, just had my back and were here for me(they don't want details tho they know too much already) Sweet again. Las,t but certainly not least, have been my friends. Smart-asses, supportive, kind, naughty, fucking hilarious and ribald...

So now, instead of forgetting how to be alone and happy, as a woman, instead of worrying if I will ever feel touch, a kiss, someone next to me in my bed again, I will stop and sit in the sun and count the good stuff that surrounds me. Patience has never been my stong suit, but I will learn to embrace it. To look forward I promise that:

I will once a month judge the Mple Drunken Spelling Bee and laugh my ass off. I will not dumb down the words no matter what. I will work on not drinking more than one drink during the Bee, cuz pronouncing6 syllable latin-based words is hard enough sober.

I will spend time with my friends, talking, laughing, listening, plotting, working on eachothers houses, telling stories and bad jokes.

I will plan the re-do of my massive boulevard and hillside gardens...they will be f'n incredible this year. I swear!!! okay i swear all the time, but i swear anyway.

I will take my art class and my bellydancing class and learn something new visually and physically every day, even if i have two left feet and a injured left eye.

I will look out at my customers/friends everyday at my business and be grateful for all of them, even the obviously insane ones.

I will be funny. I will be political. I will get arrested at the Repulican Convention. I will support Obama and Franken anyway I can.

I will find my life to be enough. I fI am lucky enough to find someone to share it with, well, I'll be thankful when and if it happens