Is there anyone who hasn't been damaged

Somedays, I think that life is so fickle. This week, many friends that I have lost track of, have re-appeared...It was so sweet to re-connect. It made me happy, like a gift. Yet, so many of these people that I have loved and cared about have been so beaten-up...cancer, loss of jobs, loss of love, loss of loved ones, loss of faith...Why re-appear now I wondered? Is it a lesson, a reminder of hope... I see that each of them rises...ready for the next round, ready for a new fight, NOT ready to concede to defeat.

I will be aware of that and hold it tight to my heart as I go to court for my divorce on Saint Patrick's day, my second favorite holiday after x-mas, to deal with my soon to be legally ex, (but he was my ex long ago, emotionally, after too many betrayals).

Do i let it, the court date, take my sweet day away, or do I think of it as my own personal 1916, Easter Irish uprising ...a day of liberation, a fight to the death of my self, as it were...I think I have to. Can't let it be stolen from me or from it's special status. So, I will go to court, stand my ground and be hopeful.

Will I make lemonade? Fuck yes. The final stage is now up to a judge, cuz after trying to do the collaborative thing and being shot down, I'll have to trust, as much as I can, in the law to do the fair thing. His lawyer won't, and sure as hell, he won't tell her to. I know I have told my lawyer there are parameters that she has to abide by...my parameters, fair parameters so I can get up each day and like myself....apparently he doesn't abide by that rule. LOL....I get letters from his lawyer on a regular basis reminding me that I am still legally married and must behaveby those rules...what the hell?...my lawyer has never sent him a letter calling for him to do so, (like he would have anyway...how many times over how many years should he have followed that advice.) We wouldn't be where we are had he been faithful.. What the f is that all about? Lol, soooo ironic...

Now, I say, please...Pray to whatever gods there are, that the system will do the right thing, I don;t want greedy payback...I just want out, fairness...by the letter of the law. I loved, he loved anyone but me. I lost.
just be kind. Let me be free and look to the future.

Anyone paying attention, Wish me luck, wish me life, wish me love, wish me touch and wish me hope that real love and understanding is somewhere down the road....if not love, at least connection at an honest level.

With this divorce, let me be a great example to my daughters, regarding fidelity, appreciation and forgiveness. Let me be a great example for accepting reality and moving forward. Let me be a great example for living one day at a time and feelng gratitude for each of those days. Let me be a GOOD woman, in a difficult time. Give me grace. And, please, let me always laugh...at myself, at the bullshit spread out before me, and at the absurd beauty that is LEGION, in this life.
Slante. Dios, cuidame.