The mystery of desire

Had an interesting discussion last night with a friend regarding desire...When is it the most intense? When we are in love, when we want to be in love, when our hormones take over?, I wondered... Why do we feel it so intensely at different points in our lives, she wondered...
It set me to thinking, and i might add, feeling. I knowthat I have not allowed myself the luxury of overt "desire," as described by Webster's, who defines it as : 1. to wish or long for; crave, to want. 2. to ask for , solicit; request; hunger. 3. a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction. 4. an expressed wish; request. 5. something desired. 6. sexual appetite or sexual urge...

I think it has something to do with the legal aspect of the seperation and my catholic upbringing...maybe the fact that mom stays here two days a week...maybe the fact that my daughters were appalled by their dad's infidelity...so many things.

I realize that with the court date set, the flood-gates of desire have opened...add to that, the finishing of my tattoo, which signifies, to me, new beginnings, along with equality and spirituality and a re-born physicality...there is an intense curiousity in me now about what it would feel like to be held, kissed, loved, as the new, single me. I feel so humbled by my own intense sense of re-awakened sexuality...and grateful that it has survived this divorce, intact.

There is a fucking incredible and wonderful new joy in looking at the men i encounter... front and center, my bad-ass cold press lover, intriguing political Jay whose sincerity i relish,..(I sense an inherent kindness and intelligence there) the pure make me blush joy of discussion and his simple handshake's touch made me desire more..how sweet, how incredible a gift whether he ever knows it... thanks Obama man for making me see myself able to desire again...to young Alex, who is asking about me all over the place,

Then on to my Music man, Corey, so quirky and smart and kind, A joy to talk with and a joy to share the beauty of song and lyrics with...what would that lead to I wonder...All maybe too young cronologically, but spiritually , dead on....
How then, do I recognize someon'es desire for me? Do I dare to presume they might feel desire for me? A gal can dream, and more than that, she can hope, for that basic, life-giving emotion...Damned grateful for that ...There is such a sweetness in the fact that two men who have awakened desire in me and are clueless to that fact...How, do I move forward? Do I sit and wait for desire to open like a present in front of me? Do I dare to be assertive? Or, is desire just a gift you feel...not mattering if it is a realistic sensation...is that the whole point? It is a want, not perhaps, a realistic expecatation.. maybe it don't matter...except I know now that I can and will be physical again, I know it's okay to want again, to touch again... Desire?
Come to mama.