I like alone. I have time to think thru what it is I am now and what it is I want out of my life. I also have come to see how little control I have over so many of my wants. Those are the wants for connection, for touch, for intimacy...I cannot sleep with someone I do not care for. I cannot prey and abuse for easy sex or touch...what would be the point of that for me? None.
I have to learn patience. I have to learn trust. I have to learn how to interpret attraction and response....It's all so new. When I was young, I just trusted my gut, now I trust nothing regarding my gut, can't read signals, except for the obvious, the easy flirt, the come fuck me who cares..., oh I get that, just won't respond.
Real attraction? That's something else entirely. I just want to see clearly, to trust my intuition, to react appropriately.
Please let me be wise and learn and deserve. Let me touch and be touched by someone who actually is decent and kind.
Slante
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