Letting go of things you thought were gone

I ran into my ex's old guitar teacher yesterday, he said" I'm sorry to hear Ed left you." I have to admit to being blindsided.
" I left him, Steve". He looked puzzled. "But.." "No, I asked him to leave...guess it doesn't matter what the hell he tells everyone to save face."

I walked away, in a public place and started to cry, which shocked me. Not because I was sad that it is over. No, it's more of the same. I think somehow if I made him face alone....face a consequence, it might have an impact, help him to fix himself, or at least somehow face his own shit, the cheating, the never being wrong, the denigrating crap he spewed...no, it appears, same old same old.

It made me sad...Do I care that people think I was left? No. It's inconsequential in the end. Do I want him just once to be honest, yes.

So, trying to find some peace for me, I went for a reiki treatment today to try something new, a cleansing, a ritual of over-ness. It was amazing and I'm not sure I believe in a lot of the spiritual journey, but I do believe in self exploration.

As it was happening, something rose up from my heart and left in a swirl of darkness, like a thunderhead. It was physical and emotional. Afterwards, I felt like I was new. A terrible loss had happened and finally the weight of it was lifted. A birth of hope, cliche, I know, but true, came through and I shook and felt white and floral. Here's to new beginnings...
Slante