Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose...

And damn it, lucky me, I don't have to lose anything but a sad marriage...I didn't, miraculously, lose myself...I found me, the real me, again.

I didn't lose my daughters...they are sad about it but love both me and their dad, no matter the divorce.

I didn't lose my family, catholic and conservative as they may be; they still love me and accept the divorce as my finally saying no more to being nothing.

I didn't lose my moral compass.
I didn't lose my sense of hope.
I didn't lose my sense of humor. Instead, I have rediscovered my love of beauty and words and humanity. I have found it better, and actually fulfilling, to be alone and worth something to myself rather than invisible and worthless to a husband.

I have not lost my sister's-in-law, who are as dear as my sisters and will always love.

I have lost false friends, and grown closer to the real ones. That is a gift I am only beginning to fully appreciate.

I have begun to look open eyed and open-hearted to the future. Will I be loved again? I hope so.

Most importantly to me, I did not lose myself to hate.

I did not lose the rich history of a lifetime shared, either. I will always cherish the happy times, the joy of watching my daughters grow smart, bold, political and altuistic. That happened because the two of us loved them and parented them to the best of our abilities.

So, freedom has a price, but, it also has a beauty that cannot be put into words.
Freedom has a potential for new beginnings that excites me like life did when I was 5 and trusted the world completely. So, now, older, wiser, tougher...life and freedom are still magical and intoxicating to imagine...

To freedom! To the future me!

Slante