This week the shit hit the fan with the boys I mentor. Their mama is falling apart again and all i can legally do is feed them and give them a safe place to sleep for a day or two...She is damamged, so fucking damamged that I don't know that she can ever recover. The trick is to try to rescue them as she train-wrecks her life seemingly intent on taking them down with her...
Crying doesn't change a thing. Groceries, an emergency cell pone so they can stay in touch if things go bad. Talk to teachers so they get full pictutre...can't do anything else and THAT is what is so painful. So i have taken to praying to the stars to watch over them. I have nothing else except to be there when they call.
On top of that, got the list of jobs I should be applying for to make my ex happy...Starbucks manager, office manager, school liaison worker...apparently my own twelve year record of successfully operating a business and surviving an ex business partners embezzlement, the bridge collapse and a horrid economy due to Bush is JUST NOT A FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH JOB IN HIS EYES!!!!!!
As the skillsmaster analyst said...it's all about what you are worth on the open market, not your passion, not your choice, just about cold hard cash...your employees and neighborhood don't amount to anything in his (Ex"s) analysis of maningful jobs...
Looks like I'll be hiring out as a landscape consultant or bartender or housepainter soon...maybe all.
Here's to friends who understand, family who loves you( i know how lucky I have been!) and to hope for the future and the skilz to accomplish what I desire.
Slante
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