So many things to wish for...happiness, Barak as president, daughters both being close, geographically, divorce being final, judge being fair, assessment allowing me to justify my shop as a legeitimate way to earn a living...coffeeshop growing..knowing who my true friends are, wine bar...maybe someday having someone love the real me...time in my garden to lay on my back and stare at the sun surrounded by fragrant blooms...life is so simple, as to wants, and so complicated as to achieving those simple wants...
Wishing I could tell the deepest reaches of my heart to someone and have someone really understand them...and to have them dare and trust enough to tell me theirs...
I wonder just how stupid or at least naive a lady can be to believe in that, still, after so many disappointments.
Do I keep trying to share my ife? Do I believe that new friends will see the real me and find me trustworthy? Do I bother to try to make new friends? Do I bother to try to cultivate new relationships?
Do I dare, ever, to believe I might be attractive to someone...this week would seem to make the answer to all of the above a whopping no...
No whining. No hoping. Acceptance... Just my garden and time to touch it's beauty, to cultivate that healing element and to believe in its power to restore.
Thatv will have to be enough.
That and a thank you to the old friends who do see the real me and support me thru this crapola time.
Alone is not lonely. It is just alone.
Slante
No comments:
Post a Comment