Today the boys went to court to be placed in temporary custody and finally permanently removed from their crazy, broken addict Mom...four of the five were placed. The court denied the last placement and set the wheels in motion to send hin to Saint Joseph's...he listened, watched it happen then he ran away.
He answered the phone when I called...he said so flat...nobody wants me...they took everyone else and nobody wants me...Then he said he won't tell me where he is...and hung up.
I feel like shit. I can't take him in permanently for so many reasons...my mom living here two-three days a week and slowly losing her memory...she is losing ground so markedly and I see what is coming with her. Then, my own daughter is moving home in a month... full up...no room in the inn. Lastly, the never-ending divorce...the eternal "I'll fucking show you" from the ex...absolutely no sense of where I'll be financially when it finally ends... if I take the shit offer he has given, nobody will be able to stay in the house.. After all those years, am I surprised that he sees me as worth nothing? Hell no. Hell no Fucking, hell no. The fact that the state has guidelines and he that he has consistently offered only a fraction of that...who knows what the court will do. If I got a fair settlment , I could help older brother and runaway pay rent and be together... if only I knew I'd have a fair settlement....
I feel like slapping my ex...cheap, spiteful man.. LoL.. Fair? ...he turned down my request for 100 a month to feed the boys who we've had for every Sunday dinner for three goddamn years.... it makes me feel crazy...
J, plz be safe. Plz call me, Plz do nothing daangerous. It's not that no one loves you...we all love you...we are all just as lost as you sometimes...
Come home...
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