Oh, the birthday is a comin'...

It is odd how birthdays no longer mean much to me...oh, correction, other peoples birthdays are so special!
It's just that mine no longer carries much importance....one more day, one more year.

I don't think of it as negative tho. It's just so much learned, especially these past three years. Huge decisions made, consequences lived...alone is such an evolution. A wonderful, hilarious, frightening, sacred, productive curve running thru my heart.

Have learned to love family and friends like never before. Have learned to love myself, finally. In doing so, it seems as if time has rolled up tight like a ball of yarn. The string weaves in and out and around and around...there is no obvious end or beginning in sight. Hence linear time and birthdays seem inconsequential. it's that curve of time and learning running thru my heart that matters now.

I hope that curve allows me to love deeply, fully, with both feet off the ground at some point...not one foot kept safely on terra firma for safety. How wonderful to be able to love, to trust enough in myself and another to dare to float feet ungrounded...maybe.

Here is my bday list of gifts I would love:
1. To finish the divorce fairly, with dignity intact and no hate anywhere in my heart
2. to believe in the goodness in humanity
3. Barak safely elected President and real change along with him...
4. true social justice for America and the rest of the world
5.Good friends on my deck, talking, sharing hearts and laughs....wine too!
6.Meaningful touch
7. A trusting relationship
8. Laughter
9. Music, music, music...Regina Spector and her cd Fidelity to be specific
10. Garden time
11. Spelling Bee birthday friends coming to sing hey Mary 331n "party"
12. Time with both of my daughters, family and friends
13. Italy Italy Italy...sweet sensual Italy
14.To write a great poem
15. To finish my friends garden perfectly adapted to his sense of beauty
16, side jobs creating beauty in other gardens
17. Touch...soft, kind touch
18. Laughter again
19, To see beauty in all of it's small daily "cameos"
20. To go to grad school in creative writing or to just have time to write fiction every single day of my life...
21. To know how damned lucky I am
22. to see and live the difference between alone and lonely.

Slante