last time

Friday night, my daughter invited her dad to her goodbye party at my house. With the ugly mediation only 3 days past, it was something that was so raw and painful that I felt sick..during the court ordered mediation...after being forced to be tested, of hiding business worth, being audited, accused by him oflaziness, of not working more than three days a week, accused of not knowing how much my employees were stealing...fuck all of that hate from him, then the saying to the girls and to the mediator how much he loved the shop and how he wants it to succeed, how he would just be sick if I couldn't stay in the house... he did every thing he could to make all of that almost impossible to do...

His final tirade before being cautioned to stop by the mediator was about how sick he was of carrying me... the mediator interrupted him to tell him to consider his trash talk as a burning of any remaining thread or bridge of hope for any future friendship between us.. to stop for the sake of our daughters...

It was too late. I didn't say it out loud. But I looked the mediator in the eye and I he knew .. I did appreciated his support against Ed's crap.
Of course, the girls don't know 90% of his legal manuevering shit, about his betrayals.. and I can't tell them it...

I tell them to love their dad, and I mean it.
If I tell them all, it puts them in a terrible place. If I answer his bullshit,"she's crazy", I hurt them with truth...

But, by not doing so, it leaves me in a terrible place. I am so tired of "Poor dad," coming out of their mouths. I honestly don't think they have ever for one second considered the emotional carnage he has wrought on me over the years...it's about them and Poor Dad, always...I wish them insight and compassion, for me just once... at some point.

So, Friday was the last night I will allow them to invite my ex into my home. He can have his relationship with them elsewhere. Not here. Not again. It was pathetic to see him pretend to fix all of the things he never fucking cared about fixing when he lived here. The "show, was classic public Ed." Always the glad hand without real connect...Always the need to protect his face and ass in public. Enough of that. No more!

I will fix all the broken things that never were important to you. I will say no more to your glad hand and pretend game...not on my turf. Pretend and bullshit all you want, but not here. Ever.

A SAD TOAST TO BRIDGES THAT COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED...TOO TOO LATE...
SLANTE