I am amused by my ability to feel confused about almost everything again...That so many things are still so uncertain at my age is striking! I laugh... I remember age 15...I feel as if I have been thrown back there, emotionally. The butterflies, the stumble-tongue syndrom, the clumsy stance...oh to relax and just trust that what is meant to be will find it's way.
To learn to live in the moment, to enjoy a good conversation, a good movie...to learn to aim a pistol and feel the impact of a bb to tin...to laugh at and recognize the same silliness, to toss a dart in a friendly match and revel in a rare target achieved...simple joys.
A masculine hand on the small of my back...a firm hug...a leaning into eachother while talking...these are still as delicious as they were all those years ago.
Do these things need to lead to more? Maybe. Then again, maybe not. Still I miss an arm around me in my sleep. I miss the intimacy of a leg wrapped around mine as we watch tv or listen to music. I miss the sound of a heartbeat when I lay my head on a chest...ahhh touch....so so healing.
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