life in spades

Wow. Lots of time has passed since my last post. Nationally, personally, financially, "parentally".
Most of it has been good. I have settled into single life and have learned to love it. I am not sure if I can ever love again and am okay with that. Now, it seems enough to learn to love and like myself. That has been an interesting trip.

I find that I no longer really care what anyone else thinks about me. The assumptions people make are hilarious. The misunderstanding of my relationships with my male friends is on-going, but I have to admit, I sometimes find them confusing too.

I love that I can let myself be attracted to and laugh with men without having to think it is sexual. I also love that so many people assume it can only be sexual. I am flattered that I am seen as still being sexual.

It is interesting to live as a sexual celibate and consider what makes me tick without sex being part of the equation: Friendship, family, becoming a grandmother, my daughters, laughter, Art, in all forms, gardening, the grown-up spelling bee, Darts, a good glass of wine and a great poem or lyric.

Are they enough to fuel a full life? For now, yes.

Trust and love? I think they will come again. I am ready now. Wasn't before. Now, time will tell.

Slainte